The employment market in most sectors isn’t a barrel of laughs right now, but humour can be found everywhere including the opening sentences in CVs.  Here are a few gems:

I offer mediocrity at its best

I am a lean, mean accounting machine highly skilled at double entry

I am a sales-ninja; a silver tongue serpent who can talk anyone into anything

I am a chatty pregnant sixteen year old

I am looking for a change in scenery

I am anxious to use my exiting skills

i am a farst lerner

I am a chef cum administrator

Life constantly changes, it is a matter of accepting this and learning how to manage stress when change arises

I am seeking a permanent job to get out of debt

To be employed at a salary above minimum wage

Objective now = get a job. Next objective = keep job

My goal is to secure a position that will exploit my potential

Other than a gammy leg I am in excellent health

Seeking a second job to support my shopping addiction